Unemployment.

I've been unemployed for months now. It wasn't that bad at first because my last employment was actually the first after I graduated in college. I have to say first as the first ever company that hired me was only for a short period of time,a month to be exact,and my skills were not put to test so I don't count that in. The unemployment for me was a breather. It meant a chance for me to visit home,which I haven't visited during the holidays, and stay there for a long time.No thanks to guaranteed double pay on holidays, it wasn't worth not spending Christmas and New Year with family at all. Unemployment meant cutting any relationship with the company I never felt welcome,important and taken care with.It meant having extended ME time. It meant sleeping, eating and doing any other daily essentials any time of the day at my most convenient time. It meant I get to see my friends any day I want to see them. It meant having no routines and schedules to follow. It meant having weekends on days that really fall on weekends and no days off on week days and split days off at that! It meant being able to do the things I failed to do or finish because I was either too busy with work or I was TOO tired. THIS unemployment was pure bliss to me. That time.

(PJs as uniform)


That's no longer the case now. I now hate my being unemployed. Yes I did get to visit home and stayed there for a long time. Yes I do get to sleep, eat and do every little things at my most convenient time. Weekends are really weekends. I follow no schedule. Everyday is a rest day. I am neither too busy nor too tired.

But I've developed a routine, a routine I've hated the moment I realized it was happening, and I can't get out of it. Not that I didn't love the extended ME time but it's a waste of my precious time. I didn't even get to accomplished unfinished business from way back when I was still too busy with work or too tired. I didn't even get to see my friends that often. BOO.

And the most pathetic is, at my present state and age,I call on my mother for help.Yes, I ask for my allowance and for even the smallest things from her.That is so pathetic because I'm not the only mouth she's feeding.BIG SIGH.

Do I look pathetic to you? Do I look like I'm the worst person/daughter to you?

Imagine what I'm feeling.